I’ve been away from my little blog for far too long, and really there is not major excuse for it. It’s a matter of reflection for me. I was going through some mentally and emotionally draining moments in my life and I needed to breathe. Most people would think that would encourage you to want to write more often, but what happens with me is that I tend to internalize and go quiet. I showcase what I need to on the outside, while I suffer on the inside. I reflect on so many aspects of my life…and wonder how did I get to this point, what did I do differently then I imagined I would do and how do I get myself to a place of peace and happiness. I don’t have all the answers, I have no idea how to do it yet…YET!
My world has been filled with grand ideas, I’ve started things and stopped things more times then I can count. I’ve had moments of inspiration that took off for a small stretch of time, and then I just stopped doing them. I’ve tried different things in school to encourage myself to find that full time fun loving job that will allow me my independence, and yet I’m still working in retail, part time, and a living with my parents. Some people may be like, that’s great stay as long as you can (and I’m pretty sure my parents would be fine with that…but), then there is the other side of me thinking people must think why is this grown woman still living at home, with no goals in sight. They are both valid points, not going to lie…they are things I’ve thought myself, and battled in my head.
I took a Social Media Marketing online diploma course, and met some wonderful friends from it, who I am so grateful to and love dearly. They inspire me to keep pushing, and often send me links to job openings to help me get myself going. My thought process on WHY I did that course was mainly because I was on Social Media all the time, and ran a lot of Social Media for different people in different walks of life, so why not get the official paperwork for it and make some money doing what I already clearly loved. Being oneself is easy for me behind a keyboard. Seeing people face to face, I can be completely different. Not in a bad way, just in a “shy it takes me a while to open up and for you to see the real me” kind of way. I’m a work in progress…everyone is!
I also taught myself how to create a (what I call beautiful) bracelet with charms and thread. It started off as I just wanted to see if I could create what was in my mind…and shockingly (for me), I made it into reality. I joined forces with an online friend to create a charity bracelet in memory of Cory Monteith, and from that I had people interested in them, and it made me feel amazing that people were loving them as much as I loved making them. I joined a group called The Collective (of Us), with the help and encouragement of Cyndie (who is AMAZING btw), who are all lady-preneurs, who inspired me but also terrified the crap out of me, because I had no idea what I was doing, and they had already started businesses and were just looking for ways to improve…I was just a pinpoint. I panicked, I backed off, and eventually stopped making bracelets all together. Recently I came into contact with Diane Greig and Charlotte Ross, and was inspired to reflect. I just met Charlotte at a recent Comic-Con (yes one of my many nerdy qualities), and had created a bracelet for her, that she had input on, and it was such a wonderful blessing. Diane is an extremely insightful woman, who knows how to word things in just the right way to make you begin the steps towards peace.
As I write this, I’m beginning to see what wonderful human beings the crazy world of Social Media has brought into my life. Friends who I never would have had the opportunity to meet unless commonality of interests, and Social Media were there to bring them into my world. And for that I’m extremely grateful. EXTREMELY! I hope you all know who you are…maybe I will write a blog about you one day 😉
I’m already feeling enlightened just by writing this blog…which brings me to my quote:
I’m determined to make this next phase of life a good one. Try to talk fear out of my world and to take more risks knowing the outcome may not be in my favour, yet showing the effort that I CAN DO ANYTHING. I AM ENOUGH. My approval is the only thing I need in life, and that’s saying a lot as I tend to feel as if I need to approval of others to feel worthy. I’m a work in progress, everyone is, and at this stage, I’m ok with that. It can only get better from here, and I shall make it so…