#Scars

This blog entry is going to take a bit of a personal turn, but not maybe for the way you think based on the quote (but those who know me will probably understand).  Scars are a tough thing to talk about whether they be external or internal.

3 fav things:

1.)  Veal for dinner…this excites me because it’s a special treat and I LOVE it…mmm…mashed potatoes, veggies and VEAL!

2.)  Purging – my room is a disaster on the best of days, but I get urges to purge every so often and it makes me feel so good!

3.)  The Bachelor Finale (a day late) – I secretly loved JoJo, but as long as Ben is happy, then I’m good, Lauren is a sweetheart. (which will mean NOTHING if you don’t watch this show LOL)

Okay, so scars come in many shapes, sizes, internal, external, physical, emotional…it’s a kaleidoscope of many aspects.

If you have never been in a situation where you’ve been given a “scar” it’s easy to play it off as thinking that person is just an attention seeker or someone who probably deserved it because of how they act or look.  Most people think of a physical scar when you say that word.  I have a physical scar…one that many people can see (moreso in the summer).  Mine is a BATTLE scar from Cancer (if you didn’t see my blog about World Cancer Day, then this will be new for you).  It’s a F-U to the terrible word of Cancer, and a scar that doesn’t let me forget I beat it.  Now with that being said…internal scars and external scars hold the same amount of anxiety.  Having my scar be so visible made me internalize my fears.  I was constantly worried about what people were thinking, constantly thinking they were looking at me, and I was always buying clothes that covered it up.  It took me probably 5-6 years to get to a point where I felt comfortable enough to say F-it!  It’s my body, the scar isn’t going away, other people just need to deal with it, and that I should walk proudly…it was my trophy!

Other people have scars that aren’t so victorious.  They are emotional scars from verbal abuse, or physical scars that bring up bad memories of abuse in terms of hitting.  Those are more painful then any scar I have.  Luckily for me *knock on a million pieces of wood* I have never had those types of scars.  I have known of people who have, and it’s heartbreaking.  Those people can be judged the hardest for a life that MADE them the way they are, and that they more then likely had no control over.  There are also the verbal scars you give yourself…you tell yourself you aren’t good enough, and that can lead to a depressive state.  I’ve battled those demons and to this day still do.  It’s a scar I’ve given myself, it’s nothing I’ve had from another person.  I’ve always had supportive people – but sometimes aspects of your life turn a switch, without anyone realizing it, let alone yourself.

One day, a light bulb will go off, and you will turn the switch back…it’s my wish for everyone who has scars to be able to turn that switch…a wish that isn’t always attainable.  So before you start judging someone, or criticizing, or characterizing, just wait, and pause, and think…maybe they have battle scars you know nothing about because you’ve never had to be in that situation.  Treat everyone as if you are meeting them for the first time, with an OPEN mind, and be patient…we all need a little bit of patience.

Love,

Sarah xo